Andy's Story

“He was still quite active but from that point on, we could see a degeneration not just in his physical, but his social life as well,” Andy says.   

“By the time he turned thirty, it was really debilitating for him. Andrew used to go away on holiday himself, but we decided at that point we would take him with us instead. We found the level of care we were giving was increasing.  

“That was things like getting him up in the morning, personal hygiene, showering. It was difficult. As a Dad, of course I’d do anything for my son, but it got to be quite intense.   

“If you ask me, we didn’t realise we were carers. We saw it as part of our job as parents – because if you can’t do it for your own wean, who can you do it for?   

“But we never identified where parenting stopped and caring began – it just kind of morphed. There isn’t a rest – but we never asked for a rest.”  

Earlier this year, Andrew went into hospital when the pain he was experiencing became too much. When he was being discharged, Andrew was asked if we wanted personal care and said yes. Since then, he’s had a care package in place through his local authority.  

“With a care package you’re dependent on the information being sent from the hospital to social services being accurate – and it sounds basic, but it’s easy for things to be missed,” says Andy.   

“For the first week, the carers appeared at 7am to wake him up and to tuck him in again at 7pm. One night, they arrived, and I hadn’t even put the dinner on yet!  

“So, I’d say to anyone else in this position, always question. You can’t be afraid to challenge things if it’s not right for that person’s needs.   

“We sat down and had a conversation with the carer Stephen and his line manager. The flip side of this is that once you get your point across, and Andrew stated what his needs are, they are met.   

“That has taken a lot of the pressure off us. It was only really when that came in that we realised how much we had been doing.   

“There are lots of things that you just don’t know about yourself too. Last year, Andrew fell and broke his shoulder. We had a physio to help him afterwards and she wanted to look at not just the shoulder but the big picture. Why did he fall?   

“That led us on to occupational therapy. We got a handrail beside the toilet to help Andrew. We’re talking about a wet room to make it easier for him to get in the shower.   

“Those are things I would never have thought about myself. I thought it was on us as parents to figure things out. Sometimes you needed pointed in the right direction to understand what support is out there.” 

For Andy, his wife, and Andrew, having support in place has been a huge positive change.  

“We have a barrier now, a bit of separation between us as parents and carers,” Andy says.  

“At Hawkhead, I used to head home immediately after dropping off the veterans so that I could get Andrew up, showered and dressed. Now I can do some of the garden, finish about twelve and head home to have lunch with him. We have a laugh together.   

“It’s been good for Andrew to have someone fresh come in, and the people providing that personal care are building up a rapport with him.  

“My wife and I have started to think, we could actually go away by ourselves now. That’s a huge thing for us.  

“So, I would encourage anyone who’s a carer to take that step and ask what help is out there.”